pov: we're in a group chat during the Critics Choice Awards
Ariana Grande looked like she was auditioning to be a worm in DUNE MESSIAH -- and more texts to the besties during tonight's Oscars-race-critical ceremony
An awards show on a Friday night? Horrible for people with plans and social lives — like all of my friends, apparently 🙄
I took one for the team* and stayed in live text updates on the Critics Choice Awards to everyone who missed it (including y’all in our group chat!) — and now, those texts will live forever in this recap. Enjoy!!
*it was very much hailing outside and -20 degrees celsius, and even for this Canadian, that’s a no.
7:28pm AT (breaking: this author lives +1 hour ahead of Eastern time. my Sub Stack, my timezone time-stamps.)
Ariana Grande is method dressing for an audition to be a worm in DUNE MESSIAH.
a text which then inspired this red carpet-recap video:
8:25pm
Best Supporting Actor and Actress in a Comedy Series — Michael Urie — SHRINKING, Hannah Einbinder — HACKS
They did a fantastic bit where they both gave their (different) speeches into one microphone and then tried to in unison say Trans Lives Matter — then followed with split speeches with personal thanks, Michael talking about the importance of parents supporting their queer kids like he was supported growing up, and Hannah calling out the fossil fuel industry’s impact on the climate crisis.
8:33pm
🚨ALDIS HODGE IS NOT WEARING A SHIRT UNDER HIS BLAZER
5 minutes later
🚨 ALDIS HODGE HID AN “I’ll accept this on his behalf” AWARD UNDER SAID BLAZER
8:43pm
Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series — Moeka Hoshi — SHŌGUN, Tadanobu Asano — SHŌGUN (wasn’t there to accept)
A very teary acceptance speech! In a beautiful ending note she took out a sheet of paper and read her sentiments regarding the LA fires: “You’re not alone, even from Japan I think of you and my thoughts are always with you”
So full of grace and class!!
8:44pm
omg nooooo not Chelsea Handler downing a glass of milk in honour of Babygirl and Ralph Fiennes cheering her on saying good girl 💀
8:45pm
friend 4, representing the entire Interview with the Vampire community: Critics Choice Awards loser Sam Reid!
8:57pm
Colin Farrell “where is Kathy Bates? K, I’ll be over there in a minute” this man is the definition of Hollywood heartthrob!
8:59pm
Kathryn Hahn and David Harbour doing a Gen Z script should be muted like Colin Farrell swearing plz save us
9:00pm
Best Actress in a Limited Series — CRISTIN MILIOTI, THE PENGUIN
Cristin Milioti is not leaving The Penguin awards season empty handed!! Thank you critics!!!
9:10pm
Best Limited Series — BABY REINDEER
If you’re going to write a speech for someone to read, it better be funny. And that’s exactly what Richard Gadd did. phew. making sure critics knew he was filming his new HBO show. lol.
9:11pm
“Vivacious. Spellbinding. Me, Jesse Eisenberg.” I NEED IT AS A GIF IMMEDIATELY
9:12pm
Best Supporting Actress — ZOE SALDAÑA
typed “ARIANA GRANDE BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS WINNER” and erased it
well, we can call that a wrap on Ariana’s Oscar chances. With these Golden Globes and Critics Choice wins, I don't think the EP movie drama will stop her from sweeping this season.
but a very different speech from her tonight — where her Golden Globes win acceptance was so emotional and thoughtful, this is very constructed (and not just because it’s printed and she’s reading it, which she poked fun at off the top)
9:22pm
Best Actor in a Comedy Series — ADAM BRODY, NOBODY WANTS THIS
WE PRAYED FOR WINS LIKE THIS
friend 1: NO WAYYYY SHUT UP
friend 2: SETH COHEN!!!!!
friend 1:
PMF
OFM
OMG
SETH COHEN SUPREMEEEE
SO HAPPY FOR HIM
FINALLY RECOGNITION
me: “MY DARLING DARLING DARLING WIFE LEIGHTON” CUT TO LEIGHTON CRYING
friend 1: BARK BARK BARK
9:28pm
friend 3: was Adam Brody really that good in nobody wants this im genuinely asking bc i don’t remember thinking he did anything spectacular there
me: I think it was both he was REALLY good and was also really good because everyone forgot how good he is, like oh shit look at this guy who has done a LOT of good tv over the years and once again impressed
9:32pm
the volume of laughs each comedy nominee gets in the highlight pack they play for the category should be measured against who won, because Only Murders in the Building clips are getting BIG audible laughs and yet continue their wallflower of awards season streak
9:38pm
Best Supporting Actor — KIERAN CULKIN, A REAL PAIN
well that’s a wrap! The Oscar is his! Woohoo!!!
9:39PM
DEADPOOL WON BEST COMEDY EXCUSE ME WHAT
THEY WENT TOO FAST AND ANNOUNCED A BUNCH AT ONCE AND I CANT REWIND
*deep breath* okay they just announced the most exciting wins of the night all at once and cut to commercial
Best Cinematography — NOSFERATU
omg are we going to get a Nosferatu Oscar sweep?? I really think this could be a sleeper in some of the technical, costuming and makeup!!
Best Comedy — TIE — ‘A REAL PAIN’, ‘DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE’
friend 3:
HUHHH
A TIE
a tie is insane
that’s insane
me: now… how do you watch those two movies… and go “ah yes, of equal comedic caliber” WHAT
Best Young Actor/Actress — MAISY STELLA, MY OLD ASS
this is one of my fave awards of the entire awards season and I think more shows need to categories like this to support and highlight young talent!!
Best Editing — CHALLENGERS
CHALLENGERS i am so sorry Oscars didn’t love you the way literally everyone else on the planet did
9:45pm
Best Supporting Actor, Drama — HIROYUKI SANADA, SHŌGUN
sometimes it gets frustrating when a show sweeps. Not SHŌGUN. Never SHŌGUN. And certainly never HIROYUKI.
9:49pm
Best Actress in a Drama Series — KATHY BATES, MATLOCK
typed ANNA SAWAI, SHŌGUN and had to erase it.
SHŌGUN sweeping and then Kathy Bates beating Anna Sawai….. doesn’t sit right with my spirit
9:52pm
oh these producers love doing a long shot of the stage with Ariana Grande’s bun in the foreground and whatever winner in the background. perfect. no notes.
9:58pm
i saved a box of Christmas limited edition Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale for awards season. i just realized i didn’t open one tonight. it is too late to open one? i won’t sleep. i can’t.
9:59pm
Best Drama Series — SHŌGUN
making that Kathy Bates win make even less sense.
friend 4: interview with the vampire a show that never had a chance of beating SHŌGUN lost to SHŌGUN so it’s all over for me
10:03pm
Best Foreign Language Film — EMILIA PÉREZ
and that’s a wrap on Best International Feature Film at the Oscars 😐
10:10pm
i want to open a cranberry ginger ale
10:13pm
Best Original Screenplay — CORALIE FARGAET, THE SUBSTANCE
finally, an Oscars race just got interesting
10:15pm
awards shows used to be fun. the cameras use to cut to winner’s exes in the audience. we don’t get that kind of drama anymore — or at least we haven’t since Jen An and Brad Pitt a few years back. bring back the ex reaction camera!!!
not directed at any particular winner but absolutely inspired by the reaction cam choices during this show
10:17 pm
Natasha Lyonne should be hosting every awards show in 2025-2026 season.
Best Adapted Screenplay — PETER STRAUGHAN, CONCLAVE
another interesting Oscars race!!! cheque plz!!!
10:20pm
ok I was ready this time they just did another batch of quick wins that went too fast
Best Score — CHALLENGERS
once again Challengers I am so sorry the Oscars didn’t get you the way LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET got you
Best Visual Effects — DUNE: PART TWO
Denis is actually there so thank god DUNE: PART TWO won something. oh Denis. oh DUNE: PART TWO. you deserved better.
10:25pm
Best Original Song - EL MAL, EMILIA PÉREZ
and that’s a wrap on the Oscar for Original Song. might be my least favourite win in this category ever.
friend 4, at work: bEsT sOnG?!??????
friend 3: at least its the least bad song in the movie
starting the horrible Challengers-wannabe walk-off music early is one bad choice, but continuing to play it as they try to thank the firefighters is a worse choice
10:32pm
Orlando Bloom walking into the room to Super Bowl level cheers is exactlyyy correct
Best Director — JON M. CHU, WICKED
he just said “I’m going to win that Oscar!” but is that a wrap on the Oscars race? NO!!! HE DIDN’T GET AN OSCAR NOMINATION and this winner usually goes on to WIN the Oscar!! Talk about an upset!!!
this just made Oscar voting sooooo interesting. tonight could have been the platform for an Oscar frontrunner to emerge from. so the PGA winner (which is normally a strong predictor anyway) tomorrow night is about to be critical.
(Denis is literally in the room and as a Canadian I am obligated to say I am so sorry to him)
10:39pm
I love seeing A COMPLETE UNKNOWN FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION ads air because yes, I have considered it and it is my winner. let me vote academy!!
10:42pm
Best Actress — DEMI MOORE, THE SUBSTANCE
DEMI MOORE
THAT’S. A. WRAP!!!
ALL ABOARD THE OSCARS TRAIN 🚂 CHOOOO CHOOOOOO 🚂
“your acknowledgement is the elixir, it is the healing balm of the issue that the film brings forward” oh the publicist who wrote that line deserves their own Oscar absolutely BRILLIANT WORK
10:44
oh not another fast exciting winner drop
John Mulaney’s EVERYBODY’S IN LA winning Best Talk Show is a smoke signal that talk show is NOT dead and the streamers that move fast on it will be rewarded fast for it
REBEL RIDGE WON BEST MOVIE MADE FOR TV!! AARON PIERRE THAT’S MUFASAAAAA
friend 1: YEAHHHHHH IKTFR
friend 2: MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN
10:49pm
i regret not opening the cranberry ginger ale
10:51pm
Best Actor — ADRIEN BRODY, THE BRUTALIST
is that a wrap on this Oscars race, or will the AI controversy (which didn’t break quite in time to affect this voting) impact Oscar voters?
…I would say this is a wrap.
im so sad for Timothée. he deserved better. he actually deserved serious conversation for DUNE: PART TWO as well, but that’s just beating a dead horse. Maybe Timothée’s inspired Oscars campaign will prove effective? I can dream??
not Adrien DOING THE ACCENT in his acceptance speech the midst of this big ol AI accent controversy OMFG
10:54pm
here i am feeling sorry for myself about not opening a cranberry ginger ale when the people IN THAT ROOM got served a small plate of fruit, cheese, and crackers for DINNER. blackberries and grapes?? WHAT. did they run to Costco?? what is this absolute nasty tragedy? at least the Golden Globes got NOBU
11:01pm
Best Picture — ANORA
ohhhhhhh did the Oscars just get interesting or do the Critics have taste the Academy isn’t brave enough to have??
friend 1: SHUT UP ARE YOU KIDDING ME
friend 2: BITCH
friend 3: LETS GOOOO (i haven’t seen it yet but it’s points for my fantasy team)
friend 4: Critics Choice continues to have such contradictory taste to literally every other awards body
I couldn’t agree more. What a rollercoaster of an evening, who has now broken it’s Oscar-winner-prediction streak with some bold choices.
Next we jump headfirst into some of the most accurate Oscar predictor award ceremonies — the Producers Guild Awards and Directors Guild Awards tomorrow, and the Writer’s Guild Awards next weekend. And in between, Oscar voting finally opens on Tuesday (do you hear the Jaws theme music in your head? I definitely do.)
All in all, an awards show on a Friday night that ends before midnight? GROUNDBREAKING. And not in a “floral for spring?” Devil Wear Prada way. Genuinely groundbreaking innovation here. And because I didn’t spike my sugar up with that ginger ale, I’m off to bed!
Until next time (AKA, after the PGA and DGA)
ProducerLiz